The View from the Beast

Ever wonder what other animals are thinking when they see a human? I was considering this as I was running this morning. From the corner of a driveway a cat was watching me with an air of distain only a cat can muster. So here is my guess at what a cat might be thinking.

“Huh. It’s one of those big human things (not mine), running from a predator. They aren’t very fast. The predator should have no trouble catching and eating this one. It must be why there are so many of them, because they are so poor at running away. I don’t see what is pursuing him, but I don’t have to worry about myself. Big fat meal like that; why would a predator bother with me? Besides, I can out run, out jump and out hide the human. Let’s face it, humans may make a lot of noise, but they are pretty worthless when it comes to being hunted. Oh-oh. I see the predator coming now. They are always so much bigger than the humans and faster, and they have these big bright glowing eyes at night. That’s it. I am out of here. So long sucker. Maybe the predator will make it quick for you.”

The cat zips through the bushes. The giant metallic predators usually took no notice of her, but one couldn’t be too careful. She leaps to the top of a fence. Her yard is on the other side, and there is one of her humans, lounging in the sun. Her human is staring at the flat thing again. “It is always so boring when the human stares at the flat thing. I mean, what’s the point?” She decided there must be something wrong with her human to spend so much time looking at the flat thing. The cat slips down from the fence and silently moves across the yard. She would have to rescue her human from whatever was troubling him. She pounced upon his chest, between his face and the flat thing. An “oof!” escapes from the human’s mouth, along with some other sounds that are not very important. The cat settles down on his chest and then, just to make sure he is not looking at the flat thing, she flops her tail in his face. He blows at the tail. But she is expert at placement and replacement.

The human stirs, sits himself up, thus causing her to slide into his lap. Her human rolls over, forcing her off his lap altogether. "How rude." He lays on his stomach with his head off the end of the platform and puts the flat thing on the ground underneath his head so he can continue to look at it some more. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me! What could be so interesting about the flat thing?” This requires a new tactic. The cat jumps on his back and begins to knead. She allows just enough claw to be exposed to make it interesting. More unimportant sounds come from her human’s face. He rolls over, and after being briefly displaced she resumes her place on his lap. He begins to stroke her, the flat thing forgotten. She purrs the purr of victory.

Star Liner

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