When I was
fifteen or so, my dad got a new job in a different city. Partway through the
school-year I had to say goodbye to my friends and start over at a new school. I
was dreading this pull away from the people and places I knew. I shouldn’t
complain. Some kids go through this a lot. But it is especially hard when it is
in the middle of the school-year. It is like starting your life over again. I
went to my new classes and I immediately started getting the new-kid stares.
That is not a good thing. I tried to blend in, but it is hard when you don’t
know the ropes. It did not help that I had a teacher that I took a quick
dislike to. He liked to snarl, and find fault, not the least encouraging. Why
does a person like this become a teacher? Did he start out good and get worn
down by life? Maybe he honestly believed that this was the best way to
motivate. In any event, I dreaded his class. I also had some good teachers
there, but the adjustment was rough. I had never received any grade lower than
a C in my life, but that term I received two “I’s” (Incompletes). This was a
school that did not believe in giving F’s so if a student would have earned an
F, s/he got an incomplete. There was supposed to be further work the student
could do to turn that into another grade, but if the student didn’t, the “I”
turned into an “F”. For one of the classes, I did the work. For the bad teacher,
I did not and accepted the only F I would ever get in my life.
In my old
school, I was kind of in the “in” crowd. This was not because I was cool. I was
definitely not cool. But I was friends with a cool kid, and he supported me no
matter how annoying I could be. He greased the wheels for me. In the new school
there was no wheel greasing. I was barely tolerated, a spot of dirt on one’s
shoe. It was lonely.
Still in PE
class another student came up to me and started talking. He was a recent
transfer too and was also in need of a friend. He was kind of quiet and nerdy,
not unlike me. As I had at my old school, I went out for the basketball team.
The year before I had been a starter on the JV team. I was not the best shooter
or all-around player, but I made up for it by being the fastest on the team and
I could outjump anyone. Here at my new school, I had a coach who believed in
motivation by yelling. It is exactly the kind of coaching style that works
against me. It is anti-motivation. I stuck out the tryouts for a couple of
weeks and by the end I was purposely tanking my chances. When the final roster of
who made the team was posted, I was semi-relieved to find my name not on it. I
am not saying I would have made the team if I had tried my best, but we will
never know, thanks to the coach.
But in a couple
of months despite a bad teacher and a bad coach, I was finding some sort of
equilibrium at my new school. Then track season started. Unlike the basketball
coach, I liked the track coach. He was knowledgeable, supportive, and
encouraging (just like a coach or a teacher should be). I did well. Somehow,
the very first meet of the season I broke the school record for the 100-yard
dash. Now, all of a sudden, people wanted to be my friend. Yeah. But I
preferred the friends I had made when I was a social pariah. I knew they had
sticking power.
Most teachers,
coaches, and other role model for kids, are good. There is only the occasional
bad apple. And maybe my bad apples weren’t as bad as I am making them out to
be, but I was in a vulnerable place, and they didn’t help. I am not a person who usually gives up easily, but for that one class and the basketball team, I gave up. While I am to blame for my own failings, they were to blame too. The point is as
adults we are all role models for kids at some point, and it does not take much
to have a negative impact on a child (or a positive one). Act with care.
Awe Our School years ! What strife and trusting Vulnerbility !
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